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"Learning how to put out the right energy, at the right time, in the right place, is a fundamental part of effectively connecting with others. Authentic positive energy is likable." Michelle Tillis Lederman, author "When meeting new people, the Law of Similarity tells us that we should be looking for commonalities or similarities to build trust, whatever and wherever those similarities might be." Lederman suggests looking for common interests and backgrounds or shared experiences and beliefs to find similarities that can help you build connections with others. THE LAW OF MOOD MEMORY Cartoonist Bill Watterson said it best: "Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around." He's right, of course; bad moods are contagious. That's probably why Lederman included mood memory in her 11 laws. "We often aren't aware of the moods we create," she says. Just as it is important to understand how to create positive moods, it's crucial to understand how to stop making bad ones. Creating negative mood memory reduces your chances that the other person will actively seek out interacting with you again, an obvious negative for a therapist. The Law of Mood Memory might be summed up by suggesting that it's not a good idea to bring a bad mood to work. THE LAW OF FAMILIARITY Human nature is such that we tend to feel comfortable with who and what we know. Thus, building familiarity with clients is another way to make them feel comfortable with you. Lederman suggests that good ways to stay in someone's mind are through social networking technology, notes of well wishing in recognition of a special event, or an occasional note just to send regards. "But remember to pursue these strategies in ways that feel true and authentic to you, and that aren't obtrusive or pushy," she says. THE LAW OF GIVING With this law, Lederman observes that there is extraordinary value in doing things for others simply because you want to, not because you expect anything in return. The same philosophy is reflected in the biblical phrase, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." "When you give to others, not only do you increase your likability and aid other people, you almost always get something unintended in return," Lederman says. Expressed in another way: what goes around comes around. THE LAW OF PATIENCE Being patient is not always easy. As every therapist knows, some clients require a great deal more patience than others. But Lederman feels that developing the ability to be patient with others is necessary in order to embrace and benefit from the other laws of likability. "We must have patience with ourselves and with others," she says. "We must have patience to find the similarities, build the relationship, establish trust, and create familiarity." Likability is important whether you're working in a private practice, or as part of a group dynamic. There's no time like the present to evaluate your likability quotient; it's just good business sense. William J. Lynott has an extensive background in management consulting, marketing, and finance. He's written more than 900 articles appearing in a wide range of consumer magazines, trade publications, and newspapers in 17 countries. Contact him at lynott@verizon.net. Celebrate ABMP's 25th anniversary and you may win a refund on your membership. ABMP.com. 85