Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/72121
THE LAWS OF LIKABILITY According to Lederman, before you can expect others to like you, you have to like you—that is the law of self-image. And remember, if you lack confidence in some areas, you have lots of company. "Even the most self-assured among us have our moments of self- doubt," she says. "The trick is learning how to work through them. One way to do that is to convert negative self-talk to a positive by reminding yourself regularly of your genuine accomplishments." THE LAW OF PERCEPTION It's an old saying: perception is reality. "How you perceive others is your reality about them," Lederman says, "and the same is true for them of you." In order to generate positive perceptions about you in other people, you should keep yourself aware of the signals you are transmitting about yourself—and the ones other people are transmitting to you. Stay flexible, Lederman says, and be prepared to modify your behavior to the best effect. THE LAW OF ENERGY Lederman says you must be true to yourself and to your energy in a given situation in order to be perceived as authentic and sincere. "The key isn't to artificially be the peppiest person in the room. It's far more important to be sincere. But this doesn't mean letting a bad day ride roughshod over you and the energy you are putting out to others." Lederman suggests it's possible for us to put out energy that is sincere, even when faced with challenges, difficulties, or distractions, perhaps such as those that might be imposed by a challenging client. "Learning how to put out the right energy, at the right time, in the right place, is a fundamental part of effectively connecting with others. Authentic positive energy is likable." And, she points out, the Law of Energy is the only one that is contagious. "What we give off is what we get back." THE LAW OF CURIOSITY Curiosity may have killed the cat, but Lederman feels it's an important part of your likability quotient. If we remain curious in our conversations, we will remain comfortable and genuine, even if we don't know much about the person to whom we're speaking. "Curiosity brings out the best in us and prompts us to do naturally all those things that foster positive connections: maintain good eye contact, give appropriate head nods, [and] ask interesting follow-up questions that show we're engaged." THE LAW OF LISTENING Most experts agree that good listeners are rare. Human nature being what it is, it's often easier for us to think about what we want to say next, rather than listen to what is being said. But learning to be a good listener is an important part of being likable. According to playwright Wilson Mizner, "A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something." Lederman agrees: "Regardless of where you are in your career, listening is a skill that you must work on. Listening is not a passive activity. It takes energy and concentration to focus on what people are saying and what they mean by it." In this light, the importance of a therapist listening skillfully to a client is quite obvious. "You have to listen to understand," Lederman says. Read This: Michelle Tillis Lederman, The 11 Laws of Likability (American Management Association, 2011). THE LAW OF SIMILARITY "When we meet people with whom we have strong similarities, our comfort level quickly increases; the conversation flows and the likability is palpable. "This is the Law of Similarity," Lederman says. "People like people who are like them." 84 massage & bodywork january/february 2012