Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/1037165
to criticisms. Specifically, thriving relationships have a ratio of at least five appreciations to every one criticism. That is, five spoken positive expressions for every one critical message. Looked at another way, criticisms are "relationship killers." Regular infusions of appreciations benefit all our relationships, not only between significant others, but also among family members, colleagues, clients, and ourselves. Practicing giving and receiving appreciations is truly a gift of service. It's a way to offer your most powerful resource: your attention. And when it is given with mindfulness, it can have a powerful impact on both the receiver and the giver. The rush of connection and creativity that emerges when you are adding value to the moment with your sensitive attention is boundless and reinforces positivity. Once you start, it's hard to stop. THREE ESSENTIAL INGREDIENTS TO MASTERING APPRECIATIONS Keep It Brief Give your appreciation in one single out-breath. Going on and on about how great someone is, is an easy way to lose impact and efficacy. Make whatever you are saying receivable by keeping it short and succinct. Speak Unarguably Avoid overexaggerating. Speak only for yourself. "You are the world's best massage therapist," or, "That was the best holiday dinner ever" are totally arguable! Avoid hyperbolic words like "best," "most," and "greatest," and instead focus on how you were specifically impacted by the other person. Hint: This usually means speaking about how you feel. Be Specific Similar to overexaggerating, overgeneralizing leads to ambiguity and misses the mark. What does saying, "You really saved the day" or "That was amazing" really mean or have to do with someone's presence? Adding your sensitive attention to these generalities may sound more like, "I feel relieved and happy you are helping me with this." Focus on the inner nature, or essence, of a person, like their integrity, patience, kindness, honesty, and how you were positively impacted. UNINSPIRING COMPLIMENTS VS. EFFECTIVE APPRECIATIONS Let's practice: "That was the best massage ever" versus "I have so much more range of motion and relief after you worked on my shoulder." "You look pretty" versus "When you walked into the room tonight, I felt my heart open and a smile wash across my face." "Way to go, keep up the good work!" versus "I felt supported by you when you took out the trash." Keep in mind, you can share appreciations verbally, one on one, in front of a whole group, or with a simple handwritten note. What are your favorite ways to receive appreciations? Regular infusions of appreciations benefit all our relationships, not only between significant others, but also among family members, colleagues, clients, and ourselves. Yo u r M & B i s w o r t h 2 C E s ! G o t o w w w. a b m p . c o m / c e t o l e a r n m o r e . 33