Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/72312
GOING OVERBOARD FOR CLIENTS —AND DROWNING I have a dilemma I haven't encountered before. Doris—fifty-five years old and recently widowed—became my client several months ago. In the first session, she said she was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to. Her sad situation touched me, perhaps because it reminded me of how I felt when I lost my husband several years ago. Soon after the first meeting, Doris began calling me. She started out asking questions related to massage, but then the conversations became more casual and chatty. I should have cut her off, but I guess I felt sorry for her. As the weeks have gone by, she has called me more frequently and also started to e-mail me several times a week. If I don't respond, she complains at our next session: "Why didn't you return my call or write back?" I've tried to tell her that I'm busy, but that doesn't satisfy her. Now I'm sorry I ever showed her such sympathy. How can I get her to quit calling and e-mailing? Anna K., Bakersfield, California DEAR ANNA, This is a great example of how a misguided attempt to help a needy client can backfire. It sounds as if your compassion for Doris has caused you to take on her problems in a way that's not good for either of you. She's become too dependent on you and you're resenting her demands. Not having set appropriate limits the first time a phone call turned chatty, you've given her the impression that you're available to her as a confidante and friend. Moreover, she has taken advantage of your unwillingness to say no to her by imposing on you more and more. Setting things straight is going to be hard. You may not be able to turn this into a healthy professional relationship, but there are some things you can do to at least reestablish your privacy. First, you need to give her a clearer message than simply not responding to her calls and e-mails. I recommend that you call to talk with her before the next session. (E-mailing would be too impersonal and taking up session time would be inappropriate, along with likely ruining the relaxing atmosphere for her.) massagetherapy.com—for you and your clients 133