Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/72312
HEART OF BODYWORK Be compassionate but firm. You could say something along these lines: "I'm sympathetic about the hard time you're having and want to support you in taking care of yourself. However, I made a mistake when I gave you the idea that I could be available to you outside of sessions, because I like to keep my private time separate from my professional relationships. Our professional relationship will work better for both of us and be less complicated if we keep it within the boundaries of our sessions together. That way, you can use that time to relax and unwind and not be concerned about anything else. So, unless you have questions related to massage that can't wait till our next meeting, it would be best if we limit our contact to just session time." Use your own words, and deliver your message with warmth and sympathy. If she protests, just reiterate in a caring but firm way that you can't be available to her except during sessions. No matter how you present these new boundaries, she may feel rejected and not return to work with you—that's a risk you have to take. If she continues as your client, she will surely test you to see if you mean what you say. You have to stand your ground while also being friendly: "I've got to get off the phone now. You can tell me more about (whatever it is) when I see you on Wednesday." At some point, you may want to recommend that, during this time of grief and transition, in addition to massage therapy she might also seek help from a mental health counselor or grief support group. If you want to make this suggestion, it would be best to do so when she's calm and not upset or angry with you: "Have you considered getting support from a counselor or seeking out a support group?" If she's interested and you know of such resources, you could point her in that direction. Because this situation hasn't happened for you before, you might want to take a look at what motivated you to go outside your usual professional boundaries this time so that you can avoid such entanglements in the future. You mentioned that you could empathize with her experience, but could there also be needs of your own that you might have been trying to fulfill by helping this client? An honest self- appraisal might show you some areas of self-care that need your attention. INAPPROPRIATELY TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR CLIENTS Clients will come to us for a number of reasons other than muscular relaxation. Like Doris, sometimes they are lonely or feeling lost and needing contact. Sometimes we can sense they have deep emotional wounds. Taking too much responsibility for a client is probably an occupational hazard in this work—we want to help our clients feel better, and in the intimacy of the work, we often "feel their pain." No matter how you present these new boundaries, she may feel rejected and not return to work with you—that's a risk you have to take. If she continues as your client, she will surely test you to see if you mean what you say. 134 massage & bodywork january/february 2008