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GRIEF & LOSS RESOURCES Holmes, J. John Bowlby and Attachment Theory. London: Routledge, 1993. Rando, T. How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies. Lanham, MD: Lexington Books, 1988. Rose, MK. Bereavement: Dealing with Grief and Loss. Boulder: Wild Rose, 1996. Rose, MK. Comfort Touch: Massage for the Elderly and the Ill. Baltimore, MD: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2009. Worden, W. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner. New York: Springer Publishing Company, Inc., 1991. be cheerfully present at the funeral of a loved one, only to be hit emotionally by the awareness of the loss later. It is common to function out of habit or act automatically just to get through this unfamiliar and often difficult time. Denial is a way that many people protect themselves from the painful reality of their new circumstance. The bereaved may feel anxiety and fear. They may be afraid of the unknown in their lives now as a result of the loss, and feel confused about the next steps to take. Sadness, loneliness, and intense yearning for whom or what was lost are common experiences. The bereaved individual may also experience relief if, for example, the death of a loved one occurred after a long and painful illness. Joy may be felt where death is believed to be a release into a freer or happier state of being. Other kinds of loss can bring a feeling of relief, because the uncertainty of waiting has ended. Another common reaction is anger, which may be a feeling of frustration directed toward oneself or others. Guilt may be present for some, as often occurs when death is by accident or suicide, and the survivors wonder what they could have done to prevent it. Regret is another feeling that surfaces when the bereaved individual wishes she or he had made different choices earlier in her or his life. Physical reactions and symptoms may include insomnia, crying, muscle weakness, nausea, and/or loss of appetite. Some people experience difficulty breathing. Grief can be experienced as physical pain and has been described in many ways: dull, aching, stinging, biting, sharp, pressure, contracted, or constricted. Any or all of these reactions are normal parts of grieving. Just as people are individual in how they respond to everyday stresses and challenges of life, so will they respond in different ways to loss. Some feelings or reactions may be fleeting. Others will be of persistent intensity. The helpful massage therapist or bodyworker best serves grieving individuals by allowing them to be present with their feelings. It is not necessary to diagnose bereaved people or judge their process; it is most respectful to simply be present and listen, acknowledging the significance of their experiences. If the client seems to be exhibiting reactions or behaviors outside of a normal range, it is wise to refer her or him for further evaluation and/or counseling with a mental health professional. DISORGANIZATION The next stage in the cycle of grief is characterized by disorganization. The loss has occurred and the initial shock has begun to wear off, but now the individual is left to cope with a reality that is different. Life is not organized the way it was before. The sense of disorganization occurs on different levels. Disorganization often involves practical concerns, which may include financial and legal issues. Mentally, the individual can feel disoriented and overwhelmed with decisions to make. Sometimes even the simplest decision seems to take an inordinate amount of energy. Individuals may experience forgetfulness, or in some cases, become obsessive in their behavior, thinking, or feeling. Emotionally, some feelings may persist or intensify from the first phase; others shift and change. The range of emotions that might be felt during this time includes anger, sadness, depression, despair, anguish, and low self-esteem. Physical exhaustion tends to intensify many of these feelings. Boost your practice with ABMP's Website Builder—free for members on ABMP.com 65