Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/72121
BETTER COMMUNICATION, BETTER PRACTICE lateness was a sign of your hostility toward your client—perhaps you should take some anger management classes" or "It sounds like you were projecting your feelings onto the client. No wonder it went badly." A person with this habit tends to judge others' behavior as right or wrong, and tries to diagnose their psychological shortcomings, thereby falling into judging and labeling. AVOID INAPPROPRIATE REASSURANCE Sometimes people feel downhearted about some aspect of themselves or their lives because they haven't lived up to their own expectations. It is natural to want to reassure a client, friend, or loved one but sometimes reassurance becomes a communication blocker. Kathy failed her anatomy exam and was sharing her feelings with Ichiro. She said, "I've just been so lazy and uncommitted, it's no wonder I failed that test!" Ichiro replied, "You're not lazy or uncommitted—that test was really hard and you are perfect just the way you are." Kathy was exploring her feelings, but Ichiro sidetracked her. She had a moment of personal honesty and had recognized that she had been lazy and uncommitted to her studies. What she really needed was to feel those feelings and then seek to understand why she had been lazy and uncommitted. Ichiro reassured her, but now she doesn't feel better because she is no closer to solving the problem. Ichiro could have simply said, "Why do you feel you have been lazy and uncommitted?" This would have given Kathy a chance to explore the situation freely. People who are empathetic for others can live in their skin, stand in their shoes, see through their eyes, and feel their emotions. think and say, "Oh, poor, poor you! I'm so glad my partner doesn't treat me that way" or "I feel so sorry for you! That must be so humiliating!" Receiving sympathy usually makes people feel uncomfortable and defensive. Instead of being able to simply feel and express their emotions, they are now in the position of defending their life. BE AWARE OF BODY LANGUAGE Most people have some skill at reading body language, although they may not be aware of it. A listener's attentiveness to a speaker's body language can reinforce that what the speaker is saying is true, alert the listener to an inconsistency between what the speaker says and truly feels, or tell the listener that the speaker is not verbalizing something important. Imagine that you are conducting a health intake interview USE EMPATHY, NOT SYMPATHY Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand another person's feelings and difficulties. People who are empathetic for others can live in their skin, stand in their shoes, see through their eyes, and feel their emotions. Empathic people are nonjudgmental, open-minded, and understanding because they can see the situation from the other person's point of view and comprehend how the situation impacts that person's life. They say things like, "Wow, I can see why you are so upset about that, I would be upset, too." Sympathy, on the other hand, can be a communication blocker when one person expresses pity or sorrow for the pain or distress of someone else. It puts the sympathizer in a more powerful position and weakens the other's position, because the sympathizer can with an older adult client who was dropped at your office by a protective daughter. You ask the client if he is taking over-the- counter pain medications for his shoulder issues. He hesitates and crosses his arms over his chest, averts his eyes, and says "No." Something is up. What he's saying does not completely coincide with his body language. You decide to question him further about pain medications and find out that his daughter gets upset when he uses them regularly. You reassure him that his daughter will not see his health history forms and he uncrosses his arms, looks you in the eye, and says, "Then yes. I have taken pain medication today." Your attention to his body language helped you realize that the situation needed further investigation that could protect this client from receiving techniques that are too deep for his tissue. Body language also includes cues like body positions, facial expressions, gestures, and the pace and volume of words. BE AN ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATOR Assertive people communicate their ideas and opinions in an appropriate, direct manner, without encroaching on others. Communicating assertively (rather than submissively or aggressively) is an important skill, especially when working with clients. Assertive communication is clear, direct, and honest and carries a minimum of emotional overtones. In contrast, submissive communication involves hints of inadequacy, an inability to cope, and low self-esteem. Celebrate ABMP's 25th anniversary and you may win a refund on your membership. ABMP.com. 71