Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/68012
PRACTITIONER AS PARENT MTS, KIDS, AND CASH In considering whether or not to start a family, yes, there are options to weigh. Maybe you don't really like short toothless people with poor impulse control who poop wherever they happen to be. If you choose not to have children, that's not selfish (though yes, your mom can't wait to be a grandmother). However, some people wait until they have the recommended year's savings in the bank—admirable, but not very realistic. You can take solace in the fact that nobody seems to have enough cash and yet we carry on with blind optimism. The average American child costs $148,320 to raise to age 171 and lots of kids don't leave home until they're much older than that. You don't even want to know what it will cost to help them get through college. And yet, somehow people manage. In fact, in many countries, people have children because they are poor. Massage therapists, on average, have massage-related income totalling less than $20,000 2 and yet we keep on having kids. If this were purely an issue of logic, you could convince me we shouldn't reproduce, but we're very happy we did, and it's not an issue of pure logic. If it were, you probably wouldn't be here either. I thought I would spend even more time at the clinic to pay for my new bundle of joy. However, after the birth of my daughter, I chose to downshift from my full-time practice to three part-time jobs: massage therapist, editor/writer, and peer assessor. My full-time job is now stay-at-home dad. My wife and I juggle schedules, so I see 10–12 clients a week. I go back and forth from the kids' school four times a day, and we are constantly ferrying children to and from the park, Girl Scouts, soccer, and play dates. When I was a kid, I didn't need a calendar to track my social life. I disappeared frequently for hours without my parents knowing where I was. Somewhere along the way, the culture shifted. Being a parent now means being very involved—for some, to the point of micromanagement. Single-parent massage therapists are dancing as fast as they can. It's humbling to think there are 5.6 million stay-at-home moms in America3 doing it all without the help of a partner. A single woman and massage therapist I know tells me she can't stop for lunch breaks. She has no one to support her "like you," she says pointedly. She has a point, though. My wife has the real job as a school psychologist. I don't use the term real in the sense that my work has less value, but my job pays less. My contribution to the family is less tangible, but it comes down to this: we don't want other people raising our kids. If I made more money than she does, I'd be out there massaging until my carpal bones fused together. However, my wife is out there winning that bread and bringing home that bacon. She's part of the 7:30–5:00 world with a regular income and health benefits. If not for her work, I don't know how we'd pay for the braces my kids will probably need. If you're a man at home, be prepared for a few remarks that may get your sneakers in a twist. Despite the fact that my wife works in this century, some of her colleagues have asked her, "So, what does Rob do all day?" Imagine asking any mother at home what she does all day and picture the blistering response you'd get. According to the 2006 U.S. Census, there are only 143,000 stay-at-home dads.4 However, 20 percent of fathers with employed wives are the primary caregivers for their preschool children. Stay-at-home dads I know bristle at the term babysitter. They prefer caregiver. I prefer the term bodyguard, since it's all macho and stuff. 52 massage & bodywork march/april 2009