Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/557366
F r e e S O A P n o t e s w i t h M a s s a g e B o o k f o r A B M P m e m b e r s : a b m p . u s / M a s s a g e b o o k 81 instinctively felt something was wrong, but at the same time it felt good. I pushed away any thoughts that what he was doing was wrong. After all, this is energy work, it's different, he knows what he's doing, he wouldn't hurt me, he's nurturing … I had no frame of reference for making a judgment about what an appropriate boundary was in energy work, so I accepted what he was doing as part of the treatment. After this session, he sent me an email expressing more than professional interest. Troubled and confused, I ended the treatments with him, writing him that I felt some boundaries were being crossed and that I didn't want to compromise the professional relationship. He was quite angered by this, and responded that he is often misunderstood. Am I wrong, I wondered, did I overreact? Maybe he really does care for me. I don't want to hurt him … Oblivious to his manipulation in this fi rst of many attempts to place responsibility on me, I agreed to meet him for lunch to clarify things. In that meeting, I shared my traumatic childhood experiences and expressed the feelings of loneliness and abandonment that enveloped me throughout my life as a result of those experiences. He told me, "You need to understand that watching someone go through changes, as you are, is seductive," again placing blame, and responsibility, on me. Within a short time, Mr. D. started pursuing me romantically through emails. He wrote that we had a spiritual relationship that was "begging to be expressed physically," and that he could see how affection was missing in my life "so, naturally I want you to have it." My journal from that time refl ects how confl icted I was, at once uncomfortable and questioning his sincerity, yet also wondering if this man, whose touch was so nurturing in the bodywork sessions and who expressed such tender sentiments in emails, was my soul mate. After several emails and another session, he persuaded me to come to his house. I had envisioned some conversation, getting to know each other, perhaps over a cup of tea in a cozy, warm home; but the experience was quite different. Entering his cold, dark house, I suddenly felt in danger. My heart was racing and pounding F r e e S O A P n o t e s w i t h M a s s a g e B o o k f o r A B M P m e m b e r s : a b m p . u s / M a s s a g e b o o k 81 O Photo by Elena Ray