Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/1488451
L i s te n to T h e A B M P Po d c a s t a t a b m p.co m /p o d c a s t s o r w h e reve r yo u a cce s s yo u r favo r i te p o d c a s t s 67 come to that decision to begin the next step in the process of change. We can ask simple questions like "What are the benefits of staying at your desk without getting up?" Then . . . make room for them to wonder. Maybe they respond aloud. Maybe they don't. If they do respond and they're engaging in the inquiry with you in real time, maybe you ask, "Are there any drawbacks?" And then make space for them to work it out . . . or not. You are a facilitator of possible shifts, not a changemaker. Practice Makes Perfect A single hour with a person is a potentially complicated and fruitful journey, but the fruits don't happen by accident. They can f ly right past you when you rely on habit. Just like actual fruit, this relationship harvest relies on careful tending. It is the result of seconds, and then minutes, and then hours of practice just noticing— noticing your judgments and slowing down and owning them; noticing your habits of communication and slowly choosing to shift them; noticing that choosing to ignore these skills is resulting in harm that you're ready to stop causing so you can open the way for healing. Cal Cates is an educator, writer, and speaker on topics ranging from massage therapy in the hospital setting to end- of-life care and massage therapy policy and regulation. A founding director of the Society for Oncology Massage from 2007 to 2014 and current executive director and founder of Healwell, Cates works within and beyond the massage therapy community to elevate the level of practice and integration of massage overall and in health care specifically. Cates also is the co- creator of the podcasts Massage Therapy Without Borders and Interdisciplinary. to cultivate. We have to remember that the ways and things that clients share with us are deeply vulnerable. People tend to present casually, saying, "Oh yeah, my hamstrings are super tight." What they are saying is, "I'm worried about my body and its ability to help me do the things I want to do. Please tell me it will get better." They are experiencing a level of dissatisfaction and even loss of trust with their body. They don't know they're feeling these things, but you need to know it. You need to have the tools to receive that information with curious compassion. You and your skills—verbal, nonverbal, and clinical—are only half of this picture. Every client who seeks you out is, on some level, seeking out change, improvement, or relief. In Brandel's course, she talks about Pochaska and DiClimente's Stages of Change. The first stage is pre-contemplation. It's the stage when a person may describe a behavior to us and, while we may judge it to be "unhealthy" or not supportive of their stated goals, changing that behavior isn't even on their radar. This is the stage where we just listen. We note things they share, and we try to hear what they're telling us. Meanwhile, we take a step back and notice the gap between our desire for that client to change their behavior and the client's lack of awareness that there is a possible benefit to change. We must keep it in the front of our minds that change of any kind is a deeply personal experience. We are being invited into that experience, but not as the drivers. When we find ourselves participating in this cycle with a client, we can introduce ambivalence. Yup. Just to help them wonder if maybe behaving differently would lead them in the direction they have said they want to go. That's it. Without judgment. Without opinion. Our inspiration must be about empowering them to choose something different, not about the direction we hope they will go or that we imagine is possible for them. It's about supporting them in what they want for themselves and about creating the conditions for them to commitment to the idea that something will work for them because it worked for you. Respecting a client's autonomy means believing that, between the two of you, the client holds the greatest degree of wisdom about what will work for them in their life, in their body, in their circumstances. This understanding of autonomy makes it easy to see how judgment and advice-giving both undermine a person's autonomy. If you decide to engage in the shifting of those habits in yourself, your ability to honor the autonomy of your clients will take a measurable leap forward. This matters because, even though they won't be able to describe it to you in so many words, your clients will come to trust you and share their process with you in a way that is fulfilling and beneficial for both of you and in ways that your advice and judgment have been preventing. Simply put, skillful interpersonal engagement with your clients will make your work more clinically effective. Understand the Complicated Nature of Behavior Change So, how does this all connect to behavior change? I don't know how much time massage therapists spend thinking of themselves as agents of behavior change, but we really do have that potential, when we've made the time to invest in the cultivation of a connected therapeutic relationship. A 2016 Harvard Business Review article about what makes exceptional listeners tells us, "Making suggestions is not itself the problem; it may be the skill with which those suggestions are made." It goes on to say, "People perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. These questions gently challenge old assumptions but do so in a constructive way." You can't challenge people constructively if they don't trust you, and if you're leading with judgment, advice, or "I know better than you" energy, trust is going to be hard