Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/1488451
L i s te n to T h e A B M P Po d c a s t a t a b m p.co m /p o d c a s t s o r w h e reve r yo u a cce s s yo u r favo r i te p o d c a s t s 65 When a client says, "My doctor says I should (insert doctor's advice here)," or "My boyfriend keeps saying I need to (insert boyfriend's advice here)," and follows it with a "What do you think?" it's time to get curious. Even if every fiber of your being is shouting, "Your boyfriend is an idiot! That's terrible advice!" you need to want to help this person find their sense of how they feel about the advice they've been offered. They're asking you because they don't totally agree with the other advice. When a person asks what you think about advice offered by someone else, they are really saying, "I don't totally agree with this." Intuitively, they know this advice is not likely to be effective for them. You can help them access the wisdom that lies in that knowing, but you'll miss that opportunity if you weigh in with your activated response and desire to help. I try not to invoke G.I. Joe as a general rule, but "knowing is half the battle." You'll have to make a conscious decision to begin inserting questions like, "Am I about to offer advice when I could be inviting inquiry?" . . . or some version that works for you. The beauty is that whether we find ourselves about to offer our opinion because we were asked directly or because we feel like we "need to," the practice to break this habit is the same. When a client says, "I always forget to get up and move during the day," this is not a request for your opinion, but you'd be in the minority if this statement didn't inspire some desire to share tips and tricks to increase the likelihood of this behavior changing. The most important question is, "What's mine to do/say in the face of this statement in this moment?" In most cases, you will have time. You will be seeing this person again. And if you're in an environment where it's not likely that you'll see them again, you're highly unlikely to inspire lasting behavior change with some tip or opinion you offer during your 60-minute interaction with a naked stranger. Whether you think you'll It's easy to forget when you have massaged hundreds of "sore" shoulders that the "basic" questions we ask our clients are inherently sensitive because their bodies are not typically a topic of discussion with others—and possibly not even with themselves. be working with this person over time or not, your first and most important job is to listen. Fully. Just hear what this person is saying. Listen for what they're not saying. People say things like the statement above to head off your advice at the pass. They tell you their low back is often sore or painful, but they've already been told by countless other well-meaning people that they just need to set an alarm, get up every time they get off the phone, or some other advice that clearly hasn't stuck. They don't want or need more tips. They need you to hear them. Western culture is constitutionally averse to believing that not talking is a great way to build trust and rapport, but it's true. People report enjoying their "conversations" with others most when those others use their name and ask them questions about themselves. You have to regulate your inner response and be able, in real-time, to notice if you're about to speak because you feel like what you just heard "needs fixing" or if you want to invite the person talking to think more critically about the situation and bring their own wisdom to bear. Respect Autonomy That leads us to respecting the autonomy of our clients. If you're wondering what that means or if you're thinking, "Of course, I do that!" you're not alone. Unfortunately, respecting a person's autonomy is not as simple as refraining from "forcing" them to do things. When you respect a person's autonomy, you actively move away from your VIDEO: "HARM REDUCTION: A BRIEF TUTORIAL WITH CAL CATES" 1. Open your camera 2. Scan the code 3. Tap on notification 4. Watch!