Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/1384577
L i s te n to T h e A B M P Po d c a s t a t a b m p.co m /p o d c a s t s o r w h e reve r yo u a cce s s yo u r favo r i te p o d c a s t s 67 already. The woman in the office likely needs to cue to interactions: "Every time you listen to someone talk, take a second to drop those shoulders." Does the guy with the forward pelvis use the ATM a lot? Cue him to remember about centering his pelvis every time he's waiting in line. Find some concrete moment in their lives you can link to the cue that will make both your lives easier. Phrases like "When you get out of bed . . ." or "Last thing before you sleep . . ." can be good cues to jog their memory. Exception: Do not cue moms to their kids' behavior. Moms (OK, some dads too) have a special state that is so totally unselfish, so focused on their child, that this is not a time for them to think and make a self-correction. Lots of my cues to parents start with, "When you feel their breathing finally drop into sleep, and before you go clean up the mess, just stand up for a minute and (insert body cue here)." BUILD STRENGTH BY EXERCISING THE MENTAL MUSCLE These mental cues—however you couch them, and however the client receives them—are the basis for your clients to build a practice of self-attention and self-care. In my own case, my mother's attempt to teach me ethics—"You should think of other people"—got translated as "It's a sin to pay attention to yourself." By the time I got to bodywork in my 20s, I could feel almost nothing and had little control over my inner workings. It took a while to build up that skill of being able to scan and read myself, a skill that is second nature to some, but I had it bred out of me. True self-care is a muscle that most of us must exercise, or it gets lax. As we build strength in this muscle, it can take heavier loads. So, just like training, start small, do many reps, get some successes, and then (and only then) increase the load. Do not mistake self-care for self-regard, which is altogether less attractive. It is easy to tell the difference: Self-care asks questions arising from inner feeling, while self-regard asks questions about how things look from the outside. People with high self-regard are often so empty in the middle, it is very hard for them to go there. Acts of service, if they ever get around to it, are good cues for those narcissists like me. When building a mental muscle of self-care, clients should start small with doable projects and avoid "injury" (too much homework). Soon you will have a client capable of taking on the bigger issues in their lives and bodies. This is the time when they are as close to the condition they will be in when the habit strikes again. Discuss the process of getting from A to B by saying, "Here's what it feels like with your shoulders up—feel that? Now drop them down your back, as if you're putting them in your back pockets— feel that? Now up. Now down. What do you do to drop them?" And so on, until they can easily go from their "bad" to your "better." Take your clients through these homework exercises several times, so they really know the difference. I do this commonly with shoulder position, or taking a breath for those who freeze, or centering the pelvis over the ankles for those who are "ahead of themselves," and a bunch of other little corrections that can be done to make deep pattern change more likely for your clients. Other times, I really am giving them a strengthening exercise to do, rather than a postural awareness, but the same principles apply. In each case, I reserve a few minutes before they go out the door to cue to the change. "Here's what you feel like when you hold your breath. Got that? Not very fun, is it? When you feel like that—and you likely will—just swing into an inhale, letting your upper ribs lift. Yup, just like that," or whatever it is. Prepare to be patient. When the client comes in complaining they have to cue themselves multiple times an hour (or per day, depending on the cue), you've won. They are on the verge of dropping the compensatory pattern—persevere a little more, and suddenly it is just gone, and they are not complaining anymore. You can then go on to the next challenge. ANCHOR THE CUE For cueing the change to work well, you need to know a little about your client's activities. Some cues work well anchored to exercise or another daily practice the client does Keep the goals project-oriented with an end in sight. Too many times I get an exercise from a therapist without a goal, so the whole experience becomes endless and discouraging when I am at home.