Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/1276187
C h e c k o u t A B M P P o c k e t P a t h o l o g y a t w w w. a b m p . c o m / a b m p - p o c k e t - p a t h o l o g y - a p p . 67 ALSO LISTEN WITH YOUR EYES We have written many times about the low self-esteem that is so common among massage therapists. This dynamic is definitely at work in situations where our clients are, in fact, not right. When what we think we know is challenged, we either decide we're not smart enough to refute it, or we go overboard explaining why we know better. In both cases, we skip the very important step of validating our client's experience and treating them like they are right. They are always right about what they feel is happening. If it feels like it's "coming from the elbow," then it definitely feels like it's coming from the elbow. Now, it's our job to introduce the possibility that pain felt in their elbow could actually be coming from another place. Listening comes in here again too. We have to listen with our eyes, as well as our ears, as we begin our explanation. Does the client actually care why we think this? Is the client mostly interested in just not having pain in their elbow, regardless of how we get there? Or, is the client hanging on every nerdy word and asking more questions? Is this a client who wants diagrams and follow- up video links? Or, is this a client who wants to sleep while you "fix" their elbow? These questions and their answers matter when you're working to make a client feel "right." And let's be clear. This isn't just about massage technique and treatment planning. We know you were hoping we wouldn't go here, but this goes for wearing masks, making racist and inappropriate comments, running a marathon despite that persistent swelling, etc. We're not suggesting you should be policing your clients' every move, word, and thought. However, there are many places where we let the client be "right" when they are wrong that are within our scope of practice and that are, in fact, important to providing complete, responsible, and ethical care. EXPLAIN CLEARLY Let's go back to the department store metaphor. What if a customer told you they were planning to make coleslaw and wanted to purchase a chainsaw to chop the cabbage? What if a child wanted to purchase a set of chef's knives? What if the customer looking for the perfect outfit expressed a deep love for the color pink? You don't care for pink, but your store carries pink clothing, and it's not your outfit. OK. Pink it is. As you head toward the pink section, the client rushes to a multilayered taffeta affair with flowing sleeves and gushes, "This is PERFECT! This is exactly the outfit I saw on Dr. Oz! Dr. Oz said it was the best outfit to wear to a party. This is exactly the outfit I want to wear when I go to learn how to juggle fire at my friend's birthday party!" Can you direct this customer to an outfit that is less flammable? That is still pink? We have to take responsibility for explaining clearly. It's not our fault that our clients are misinformed, but it is our job to clear it up, while leaving them with a clear sense that we heard them, and we care about them. KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW, BUT HOLD ON LOOSELY Once again, we feel like our experience working with people at the end of life and with the people who love them has brought us back around to some simple wisdom in answer to the basic, underlying question here: "What does it take to truly facilitate satisfaction for a client?" We have to know what we know without holding any of it too tightly. We won't get through to everyone. Some people will not be receptive to our advocacy and to our educated deviation from the plan they have concocted. That's OK. We can share that, based on what we understand about the "right" product for them, we have a great referral for them. We have to know that we can never make any human feel anything or have a specific kind of experience. We can, as one of my favorite teachers always said, "Show up. Pay attention. Tell the truth and release our attachment to outcome." Listen and learn from your clients. Receive what they share with you and integrate it into your work with them. Be honest about what you can and can't do and about how their expectations may be misguided. And then, just do your work with love and skill. That is your product. It may or may not be right for that particular client. The client is always right, but that doesn't mean you're wrong; it means you have to raise your level to meet them in a place that highlights their story and their needs, while integrating your ability to give them the best possible product to meet those needs. Good care will require you to get good at kindly and informedly educating clients who have and share wrong information. It will require you to know what's safe and what works. It will require you to know what's ethical. It will require you to be genuinely curious about and invested in what's going to create the greatest possible chance for them to feel seen and satisfied. Cal Cates and Kerry Jordan are honored to work with Healwell (which is a big team of many people) providing massage therapy and education in hospitals around the Washington, DC metro area and around the world. Together, they have more than 35 years of experience in massage therapy with a focus on serving adults and children living with medically complex conditions, both in and out of the hospital. For more information on Healwell, go to www.healwell.org.