Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/1208028
Cal BODY BETRAYAL Cal is gender-fluid/non-binary. They are a former elite athlete and describe their relationship with their body like this: "As a thing that helps me do stuff, my body has always done what I wanted it to do—be fast and adroit, ski, jump, lift heavy weights, etc.—but the outward presentation doesn't match how I envision it or wish it was. The way my body is perceived by others doesn't match what I feel. In my 20s, that just made me unsatisfied. I wouldn't say I ever disliked my body, but I just felt like it didn't match." However, Cal went on to use a word that suggested more to me than dissatisfaction: "It was a particular betrayal when I wanted to wear clothes made for men, but men's clothes didn't fit, so I'd buy man- ish women's clothes or men's clothes that didn't fit." It may sound crazy, but having clothes tailored or custom-made changed everything for Cal. "I was wearing clothes that looked like I wanted to look—not men's clothes, not women's clothes—my clothes. Finally, I didn't feel like an impostor." Today Cal is fond of saying, "I'm not in the wrong body; I'm in the wrong society." I ask them if this sensibility, this new relationship with their body and their past dissatisfaction, affects the way they work with clients. "Yes," they answer. "Because I believe that's where we all live for the most part. In this place of 'never quite what I want.' It makes me more compassionate, and it makes me able to hear what people aren't saying with their mouths." And of course, it's a two-way street. Cal's massage therapy clients are mostly people who are sick and dying. "Because of them, I think I struggle less with the natural progression . . . with the truth that this body isn't always going to do what I want it to do." Working with this population makes Cal kinder to their body, even now. "Being a bodyworker is the thing that showed me the way I used to exercise wasn't about loving my body. It was about changing my body. Now, from the outside, the exercise I do may look the same, but inside it's a different experience. I'm aware of and able to integrate the messages from my body and really feel like a team with my body. A big part of it is kindness—like with any team, not everyone is killing it every day. Now when my body says, 'I don't want to do that,' I say, 'OK, body.' I can be with the way it's going to be different every day." Clients do this all the time, don't they? They report that "last time" whatever you did "made it better," but now it's back. Maybe you become impatient and mutter in your head, "It didn't get this way in an hour; I'm not gonna fix it in an hour." Or maybe you just "try harder" or use a different technique. Whatever you do, chances are good that your default is not a small, kind, internal voice that acknowledges the troublesome nature of these bodies we inhabit and then sets about providing a centered, embodied session. Andy MINDFUL EATING/LIVING Andy also feels that their relationship with their body was changed as a result of their work as a massage therapist. "What started as striving to maximize my ability to see clients and recover, turned into a mindful eating/living practice. The thoughtful nourishment of my body allows me to be of service to life and others. It is not a destination, but a practice. My clients and I do not have a static destination to arrive at, including the state or condition of our bodies. My clients and I have goals. How do our bodies help serve these goals? Seeing all the various stages of the human condition and aging, I am humbled by the blessing of my health and capacity, and strive to not take it for granted."