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It's a perfect day for a run. The air is cool and crisp. The sun is shining and the leaves are turning red and gold and brown. The trail is mostly deserted. The few people I encounter smile broadly and return my greetings. It's a perfect day for a run, except . . . Except my chronic heel pain is back, and instead of warming up and abating, it's getting worse as I run. And it's causing me to roll to the lateral side of my foot, which is causing the tendons in my knee to complain, which are starting to create a grumble in my hip—and my breathing is heavier than it should be because I'm getting old. My foot never hurt before, and this will probably all get worse and worse. I can't believe all the massage and chiropractic and yoga and eating right and drinking water and meditating isn't making this all go away. I'm a massage therapist, darn it, so why can't I figure out why this keeps happening and make it stop? And if I can't even fix my own body, how can I possibly do anything good for my clients and patients? I have dedicated the last 20-plus years to fully inhabiting my body in a curious, humble, and friendly way—and to helping other people do the same. How is it possible that the flare of a pretty textbook case of a pretty run-of-the-mill condition sends me so quickly into a spiral of aggression and disappointment that separates me from that curiosity, humility, and friendliness? Why does impostor syndrome somehow feel like the natural conclusion at the nadir of this spiral? And perhaps more importantly, am I the only one who feels this way? And perhaps most importantly, how can I be of service—curious, humble, and friendly—to other bodies when I'm not in that place with my own? I set out to find some answers—or maybe just some company. I began interviewing other bodyworkers about the work of living in their own bodies and working with other people's bodies. I wish I could tell you I found a profound yet simple set of answers. I didn't. What I found was a deep and gorgeous ocean of humans working really hard to be present with themselves and with others. And I think I found even more questions. 60 m a s s a g e & b o d y w o r k m a r c h / a p r i l 2 0 2 0 Do you need a good relationship with your body to be a good bodyworker? UN FIXED By Kerry Jordan

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