Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/72312
The ways that we take on too much responsibility are usually more subtle than in the situation described above. For instance, you may find yourself feeling as if you've failed when a client's aches and pains don't magically disappear. You might notice that you always work longer than usual with a client. In these circumstances, you have to keep reminding yourself that your goals are limited. Your responsibility is to do the best you can in the session time you have. Outside of that, you need to have faith in the client's ability to solve his or her own problems. If you feel drawn to bending over backward for a client (unless that client has legitimate special needs), that impulse should raise a red flag for you. If you find yourself wanting to help your new client in ways that you don't usually extend to clients—feeling compelled to give her a ride home or coming in on your day off to work on her—stop and ask yourself what is going on. "An hour ago I didn't know this client. How did I suddenly become responsible for her?" There's usually no problem in doing something extra for a regular client who is temporarily in a bad spot, but be careful about setting a precedent with a new client. Giving extra help to a client who is an able-bodied adult can create an unhealthy dependency that both sides will eventually come to resent. Find out what the resources are in your community so that you can steer clients toward them as the situation warrants. Another reason to be cautious is that some emotionally unbalanced people are especially skilled at manipulating others into taking responsibility for them, and the repercussions can be greater than unwanted phone calls. A colleague reports: "The most difficult client I ever had was one who, from the beginning, was good at manipulating me by making me feel guilty. For instance, even though she had a good job, she got me to give her a discount on my fee by telling me all the tragedies in her life. She also made me feel like I was the only person who could help her back problem and I often worked overtime to try to make it better. However, my work was never good enough for her; she never felt relief. After several months, she asked for her money back, saying I hadn't helped her. She also began bad- mouthing me all over the community and threatening to file groundless ethics charges. In the end, I had to hire a lawyer to negotiate with her to accept a partial refund as a final settlement. It was a very unpleasant experience and taught me to be more consistent about staying within set boundaries." REAL HELP When you find yourself going overboard for a client—feeling as if she needs a lot of advice, wanting to take extra time with her, and so forth—step back and ask yourself whether you might be taking too much responsibility. Chances are that person has managed to muddle through without you all these years. Check in with yourself about whether you're meeting some needs of your own by rescuing this client and whether you're really comfortable with what your relationship with her has become. Going outside your boundaries to help clients can give the wrong message to them—and to yourself. The message to them is that you don't trust that they can take care of themselves. The message to yourself is that you don't trust how much help you are already giving them. Don't get roped into feeling that you have to do more for a client than you usually do. And don't underestimate how much healing there is in an hour of caring attention. twenty years of experience as a bodyworker with her previous years as a psychiatric social worker. She is the author of The Educated Heart: Professional Boundaries for Massage Therapists, Bodyworkers, and Movement Teachers, now in its second edition. For more information, contact Lippincott Williams & Wilkins at 800-638-3030 or visit www.lww.com. To learn more about professional boundaries and ethics, visit www.educatedheart.com. Nina McIntosh combines more than To learn more about illustrator Mari Gayatri Stein, visit www.mariscardsandmore.com. massagetherapy.com—for you and your clients 135