Massage & Bodywork

January/February 2012

Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/72121

Contents of this Issue

Navigation

Page 68 of 132

BETTER COMMUNICATION, BETTER PRACTICE As you continue to grow and sustain your practice, here are some things to consider and evaluate in your own communication skills that will help you build more successful relationships. EVERYONE VIEWS THE WORLD THROUGH A FILTER All of us have individual assumptions, attitudes, beliefs, experiences, needs, and values that become a "filter" for how we view the world, listen to others, communicate ideas, or feel in certain situations. Words that excite little or no emotional response from one person may be charged with particular meaning for another. Situations that make one person uncomfortable can cause another to shrug with indifference. Communication often flows freely when we meet people who share many of our attitudes, beliefs, and values, or have faced similar experiences. These people have filters colored in a similar hue to our own. At other times, we may find that the ideas we try to communicate cause distrust, resistance, or even anger in another person because their filters are different. For example, the word "alcoholic" carries a particular charge in our society, but each individual will still view it differently. If my mother was an alcoholic and my childhood was disrupted by her behavior, then I'm likely to feel more emotion toward the word than another person who has no experience with alcoholism. To minimize the impact of filters on communication, raise your awareness of your own filters and pay attention to the filters you notice in others. Notice the words that cause an emotional change in you when you hear them and explore your attitudes. SQUASH JUDGMENT It is often difficult for people to converse without taking a side. This need to agree or disagree becomes a barrier to the exchange of ideas. Imagine three massage therapists at a massage clinic having a conversation on their lunch break. One says, "Energetic bodywork is really cool. I went to a workshop this weekend, and the instructor completely released the client's muscle tension by using only holding positions with his hands." The other two therapists immediately make judgments about what they just heard. The second one says, "You're wrong—everyone knows that energetic bodywork is all hype." The third says, "I agree that energetic bodywork is effective, but I don't believe it can reduce muscle tension as well as Swedish massage." The two listeners reacted to their colleague's communication by viewing it from their own perspectives and immediately evaluating it as right or wrong, good or bad. This may be a natural tendency, but it sets people up to misunderstand each other and become defensive. What if the listeners did not immediately judge the statement? What if the second person said, "Really? I haven't heard that. Tell me more about what you know." In this case, they potentially could have a real conversation, and all three might learn something new. Some people fall into the habit of defining everything in terms of "should" and "ought." They block communication by promoting their own ideas as the only right thing to do. Consider these phrases: "You should take better care of yourself." "You really ought to do something about that." "If I were you, I wouldn't let her talk to me that way." The implication in each statement is that the speaker is clearly right and the other person does not have the intelligence or fortitude to figure it out. Avoid using words and phrases like should, ought, and if I were you, especially in your role as a massage therapist. Such words increase the power differential with clients and can lead a client to feel shame or embarrassment. For example, saying, "Your tissue is completely dehydrated—you really ought to take care of yourself and drink more water," sounds moralizing. Saying, "Your tissue feels a bit dehydrated today. Remember that drinking more water after we're finished will help 66 massage & bodywork january/february 2012

Articles in this issue

Archives of this issue

view archives of Massage & Bodywork - January/February 2012