Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/68016
TRADE OR BARTER FOR SOMETHING YOU WANT Don't accommodate the other person by agreeing to work for something you don't want or need, like that family portrait, tango lessons, or a painting you will put away in the attic. All or any of those items may be valuable to someone else, but if they're not valuable to you, don't make the deal. You can say something like, "That sounds great, but it's not something I really need right now." Or just, "That sounds great, but no thanks." YOU CAN MAKE EXCEPTIONS FOR A ONE-TIME TRADE Sometimes, when we're fresh out of school or new in town, doing trades can be a way of advertising and building a clientele. You hope that the person will like your work and tell others. For a one-time trade that you're using to build a practice, you won't have long- term details to work out and you don't have to be as careful about the things for which you are trading or bartering. ONLY BARTER FOR FINISHED OBJECTS One way to make bartering more successful is to know what you're getting. Don't barter for a work of art, for instance, that isn't finished (or even started). You need to see it. What you have in mind for a painting or stained glass window or sculpture may not be what the artist produces. My best barters have been for already completed pieces of artwork. My worst involved something I commissioned that turned out not at all as I expected. TRADE OR BARTER WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE PROFESSIONALS People whose professional services or products you are trading or bartering for are more likely than others to be good at what they're doing. They are also likely to be settled in their fees, hours and so forth, so it's easier to negotiate with them. Trading with a nonprofessional for a service, such as painting your house or waxing your car, adds complications to an already imprecise transaction. LIMIT THE NUMBER OF TRADES AND BARTERS YOU COMMIT TO Most landlords, mortgage companies, and grocers want hard cash. In order for you to have that cash to pay for your house or food, you'll need to set a limit on the number of trades and barters you can afford to be involved with at one time. WHEN THE TRADE ISN'T WORKING, GET OUT Here are some suggestions for how to get out of a trade or barter that isn't working for you. In the case of our questioner, the family portrait she doesn't really want is a done deal. Lesson learned. However, in her situation with the colleague whom she thinks isn't putting much into the reciprocal massage, I'd advise discontinuing the trade. Saying that someone is not trying hard enough is too vague an accusation to substantiate. Moreover, the discussion is not likely to end well. Instead, simply tell the other person that you want to stop trading now. If it's your turn to give him or her a massage, let the person know this will be your last session as a trade. If it's the other person's turn, you can decide whether or not to complete the trade. If you don't want to, you can say that you're fine with not having your session—you want to spend time building your practice, you have too many other commitments, and so forth. In the case of the acquaintance whose barter is to mow the lawn, you can either call and politely inquire when he will be over to do the mowing or wait until he calls for another session and say, "I think it's your turn, isn't it? When could I expect you to come by and take care of the lawn?" If he hems and haws around, I'd let it go. In general, unless someone owes you quite a bit of money (or the equivalent in services), it's wisest to avoid an aggressive confrontation and simply back out of the trade, even if it has cost you a "free" session or two. Unless you have the agreement in writing, confrontation will probably get you nowhere. There's no use wasting energy on it or creating bad feelings. Also, in the case of a professional massage trade, you certainly don't want to massage or be massaged by someone if one or both of you is angry about the arrangement. Bail out, cut your losses, and learn from it. We're continually learning what works and what doesn't in our practice. Staying clear about your needs before trying to meet others' will wind up being better for both of you. Feeling you don't know how to say no should be a sign that you need to learn how to take care of yourself. Following the guidelines set forth here should give you a good start. years of experience as a bodyworker with her previous years as a psychiatric social worker. She is the author of The Educated Heart: Professional Boundaries for Massage Therapists, Bodyworkers, and Movement Teachers (Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2005). To learn more about professional boundaries and ethics, visit www. educatedheart.com. Nina McIntosh combines more than 20 To learn more about illustrator Mari Gayatri Stein, visit www.gypsydogpress.com. connect with your colleagues on massageprofessionals.com 117