Issue link: https://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/557366
completely lost my Self, like I literally had holes in my body, accompanied by a drowning fear that I'd never find my way back. I cried several times a day, every day, for months—"meltdowns" I called them. I spent many, many months—and thousands of dollars—working intensively with a variety of caring, respectful therapists and doctors to find my way to the beginning of recovery. I couldn't comprehend how I had fallen so far: how could this happen to me, a smart, responsible, middle-aged woman with a graduate degree? Along with therapy, a key factor in my recovery was education. As I started to learn about professional ethics and the psychological dynamic that takes place within a therapeutic relationship, I also began to see more clearly that I had been horribly violated—and that it wasn't my fault. All of those gut feelings along the way were now validated as I began to understand that this was a case of abuse, not a consensual affair. I also began to understand how my early childhood traumas directly related to the experience. The body holds traumatic memories, and those strange and terrifying bodily sensations I experienced during the involvement were triggers of my own early traumas. They consequently distorted my ability to accurately gauge Mr. D.'s actions, triggering feelings that left me confused, fearful, and powerless. A LIFETIME OF EXPERIENCES Clients come to healing professionals with their own individual history and a lifetime of experiences. For clients like Charlene and me, with histories of childhood trauma, touch therapies can take us into deep wounds that need healing, making us exceptionally vulnerable. We, in particular, open our trust to healing professionals because the wounded part of us is longing for the safety and love that we did not have as children. Our early experiences leave us emotionally handicapped as adults, with unclear and distorted boundaries. When someone we come to for healing abuses our trust, the consequences are particularly devastating. In my case, Mr. D. stole three years of my life, and more than two of those years were spent in painful recovery from his abuse. In Charlene's case, Mr. D.'s actions came close to causing her to end her life. Though I was unable at the time to report Mr. D. to the police, I did, on the advice of several bodywork professionals, report him to our state's licensing board. Since Mr. D. is not licensed in the state, I could only report him for nonlicensure. It took two long years for the case to finally be resolved, and Mr. D. has been sanctioned. Unfortunately, since the board in my state oversees only licensed individuals, Mr. D. could not be directly sanctioned for his ethical misconduct. RESPECTING PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES I believe personal stories are powerful, and I hope mine gives you a sense of the profoundly harmful impact an abusive bodywork therapist can have on a client. Thank you for the work you do and for taking the time to read and consider what I've shared with you. By respecting professional boundaries, you not only respect your commitment to your clients and yourself, you respect and uphold the integrity of a profession that is essential to the health of our communities. Notes 1. Ben E. Benjamin, "Sexual Abuse Within the Health Care Field," Massage Therapy Journal (Spring 1990). 2. RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) website, accessed July 2015, https:// rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/ sexual-exploitation-by-helping-professional. Emma K. is a pseudonym. Please forward your responses to editor@abmp.com. F r e e S O A P n o t e s w i t h M a s s a g e B o o k f o r A B M P m e m b e r s : a b m p . u s / M a s s a g e b o o k 85